My own journey
I want to share my story with you because trust me Mumma, I get it. I really, truly, get it.
I know where you are at right now.
I know looking at my “after” photo looks like I might not.
So let me go back to the beginning…
In 2014 I had 3 fantastic, healthy, beautiful children, and felt so genuinely blessed to have a body that could grow these amazing humans, and then feed them!
I adored them, and motherhood had expanded my heart into capacities I never knew existed. I was seriously born to be a mum, to love that deep, is my superpower, and I was loving every moment I got to love them, BUT, I no longer loved my body and I didn’t feel like me any more.
Hello to the guilt and shame that I think only other mums can understand, right?
As a woman we are constantly being told to love our bodies in any shape they’re in and to practice self-love, and self-care, but we’re not taught how to do this if we don’t, or we can’t.
Our minds and bodies go through so much change during motherhood, I gained a significant amount of weight in each pregnancy, and while we absolutely love the fruits of our journey, the body we can be left with afterwards can be harder for us to love.
My body looked so different, after 3 back to back pregnancies, I was significantly overweight, had aching joints, I felt genuinely old, broken, and kinda all used up. I was 29.
I would have liked to insert a picture of me here with my 3 kids.
The thing is, I don’t have any pictures of me at this time. I avoided the camera and deleted any that were taken, hating the way I looked. I definitely didn’t post any online. A whole period of my life now, with my 3 little gorgeous kiddies, hasn’t been documented or photographed, as I chose to go unseen.
That breaks my heart now.
I know so many other mums are doing the same thing.
It wasn’t just the saggy flabby floppy leftover tummy…I genuinely felt like a washed-up version of me now existed. I didn’t recognise my body anymore, I didn’t feel attractive, let alone sexy, I was weak and exhausted. Despite having a loving supportive hubby, my body confidence had left the building with my perky boobs, pelvic floor and my sex drive it seemed.
I was tired ALL the time, physically yes, but also at a soul-deep level, I had developed eating habits that didn’t serve my health, it was so easy to mindlessly snack being home most of the day, and I felt ashamed to admit that my Mum role wasn’t really stimulating my intellectual curious mind, despite all the playgroups, music groups, swimming lessons and trips to the park. I was lucky enough to be a stay at home mum and didn’t want to be anywhere else, but I was bored too, so cue more mum guilt.
I had somehow fallen into a slump of not really knowing how, or what exactly I needed to sort out, to feel better and look better, and be better. Where should I start, or really, what my problem even was! I had a great life. Picture perfect nearly. Where had my zest, my buzz for it gone? Where had I gone?
I wasn’t depressed, I was a happy loving mum, wife, daughter, and friend, but I was now lost inside Mum fog-haze, you know what I mean? I had no direction or purpose outside of my Mum role, and I did LOVE that role, but I felt like I was losing “me”, or had lost me, or had no time for me, or even knew what that me wanted or needed. Had I ever really embodied her?
My knees and hips ached just walking with the kids, I wasn’t sure how I would find the time or energy to do anything about losing my excess weight, let alone getting my spark back.
I was spending hundreds of dollars on trips to the chiropractor and supplements to try to help. I knew I wasn’t thriving. Sure, my kids weren’t good sleepers, (they still haven’t got the memo that my bed isn’t a family bed) I had a full plate of mothering duties, the youngest was still being breastfed on demand, and I spent my days trying to keep up with a boisterous toddler who was born with superhuman physical energy, and a 4-year-old who suffered severe separation anxiety, and a 6-month-old who was glued to me, but it shouldn’t feel like this, should it?
Physically I was embarrassed and ashamed when I bumped into people who knew the “old” me, I just didn’t have the time, drive, knowledge, or energy to make changes. It was now spring, and we were in Nelson, NZ, for a few weeks, and I started to feel anxious knowing another summer was coming and I was still in this low, self-conscious energy.
I knew in my heart the mum I wanted to be, active and carefree, fun, light-hearted, enjoying my time with my kids and instead, I was hiding and tired and just a bit “meh” and I was so over it!
The need to change started to bubble up in me stronger and stronger and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I didn’t WANT to ignore it. My soul was desperate to be heard.
It’s happening to you too, isn’t it? That’s why you’re here and why you’re still reading my story.
I couldn’t stand the idea of another summer coming, not feeling excited about shopping for a summer wardrobe, not feeling good in just a simple pair of shorts! A pair of shorts! I wasn’t thinking bikini and total body overhaul, I just wanted confidence in a pair of shorts.
My body, mind, and soul were now desperate to heal. The separation in my abdominals meant I suffered severe back pain and headaches that I took constant anti-inflammatories for. The tiredness I felt meant I was surviving on a high carbohydrate, high sugar diet, and plenty of caffeine to keep my energy levels up during the day, and would look forward to a wine at the end of each day to help me unwind from the anxiety I now suffered.
It wasn’t healthy, and deep inside I knew it. The tired mum jokes we make weren’t funny anymore, and I was sick of feeling like I was surviving these years rather than truly alive in them.
I made the call then and there in Nelson that spring to change.
I set out to truly heal my body from the after-effects of carrying 3 children, and not taking care of me, and to free my mind from the beliefs and excuses I had been holding on to.
God, I was sick to death of my excuses.
Were they valid? Yes.
But I was realising they were the energy I was feeding! There is nothing empowering in my excuses. I didn’t want to be this woman, to feel like this, to act like this anymore! It wasn’t the true me and I suddenly felt suffocated by this energy I had been carrying around!
I set out with weight loss as only part of the goal.
My intention was to become the kind of mum, and woman, I actually wanted to be.
I held a strong vision of playing on the beach with my kids that coming summer in the best shape of my life. Mind, body and soul aligned in health and happiness. I was going to feel full of energy, have a clear direction for my life plan, and have ZERO thoughts about my body being anything other than an amazing, beautiful, healthy vessel carrying me through my life!
I would need to think differently, act differently, change beliefs about myself as being totally and completely worthy of my love, of my time, my attention, of good food, of happiness, of thriving complete health!
I decided I would only allow thoughts about myself, of being an amazing mother, and human being and I would love myself like I did my own kids. Unconditionally and like crazy. No one else was capable of doing this for me. It was up to me.
It was time to “become Kylie”, after the mega transition of becoming a Mum. I had to become the woman I was desperate inside to be. Who I was born to be. Who I could feel calling to me.
I had to un-become everything I wasn’t too.
Sounds familiar right?
The best part was that I had the motivation I needed right in front of me.
I love my kids like a crazy lady, and I know you love yours. They truly deserve the best version of ourselves that we can possibly be, and I knew I wasn’t that yet. I was a great Mum, but I wasn’t even scratching the surface of the woman I could be, not really! But god, I was ready to.
If there’s one factor that will kick a mum into serious action, it’s doing everything we can for our kids, right? To ensure they get the best opportunity to turn into the best versions of themselves. To provide the safe zone, the love zone, the continuous energy to uphold boundaries, and standards we set for them, and to lead from example. They will follow our actions, not our words. I was so determined to do this, for me, and for them.
My third child was a daughter. In all honesty, she was the game changer for me. My baby girl would grow up watching and learning from me about how to talk about and feel about her body, how to Woman, she would learn from me. I now carried a huge responsibility, this wasn’t just about me and my body anymore. I wanted to set her a wonderful example.
Essentially, I knew I would be imprinting her with my insecurities and my lack of self-love if I didn’t sort my beliefs out. I would have to be brave enough to sit and unpeel the layers around the excess weight I carried, the beliefs, the storylines, the excuses, reprioritise, everything was going to unravel and I would be left with truth to build upon.
I had two sons who needed a strong, fun, happy, healthy mum. They had such crazy physical fun energy to match, and curious loving emotional minds to help shape, and it hit me that on a deeper level, they too would learn about their bodies, and also a woman’s body, how to talk about a woman’s body, how to treat a girl, what health looked like, equally from me!
I was their number one teacher, and the only example they would follow, rightly or wrongly.
Change became the only answer I could stomach.
Are you sick of your excuses enough to stop making them?
I was out of every excuse that mattered more than changing did.
My life wasn’t in alignment with the dreams and visions I had for my future. The ones that were going to make me truly happy and fulfilled and give my kids the mum back that I knew was desperate to be there!
My mothering wasn’t matching what was in my heart, I was a shadow of who I wanted to be in this world, and what I wanted to be, and I knew I wouldn’t reach my potential in that state.
That’s what kills me more than anything else now.
Knowing there are so many women out there that aren’t in their potential. Are you one of them?
Do you know at a bone-deep level that you are meant to feel something different?
That’s because you are supposed to Thrive.
I literally changed my habits that day. It had to be black and white for me, a true line in the sand, and it has to be for you too. Grey areas don’t work, not initially anyway!
If I gave myself grey areas, you can be sure I would have used it as wiggle room, and the floodgates to excuse-ville would have opened nice and wide again!
Not this time, not for this determined mama!
I decided that spring, to take action and not look back.
I committed to learning everything I could – cut through all the fallacies and untruths that drench the world of health and fitness, and I wrote myself a program and nutrition plan that would work, and fast.
Full disclaimer – patience ain’t my thing.
Maintainable and sustainable yes. But results and fast, or truth be told I will lose interest.
This was bigger than just losing baby weight and a Mummy Tummy, and I recognized that right away, like a lightbulb flicking on, some of this fog, this heaviness, was emotional baggage I had been carrying too.
I sat with all of what I felt, for the first time in a long time, bare, raw, honest, completely vulnerable, and let myself be exposed to all of what I had hidden in my heart, the good, the bad, and the very very ugly.
It was so hard, confronting, scary, and yet the start of the internal healing and truths I needed to face. Weight loss is never just physical, is it?
I wasn’t going to take the transformation lightly or superficially.
I am wired by some other source to go deep, so deep I went. Think spiritual scuba diving.
When it comes to self-development, empowerment, healing, learning and growing, I’m in my buzz zone! I absorbed all I could and more, from as many sources as I possibly could find, and I let it all fall on my opened heart until my new level of discernment had filtered for me a brand new set of undeniable truths.
I seek like this still to this day – higher truths, higher perspectives I welcome in.
I was now figuring my whole picture of health out, holistically. It wasn’t just skin deep. My beliefs, my habits, my self-talk, my physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual health, right back to childhood wiring, and experiences. I shook every skeleton out of my closet and continuously sought a higher perspective to flow in now.
I began to change from the inside out, I wanted to ensure that there was no going back.
There was no beating myself up either over past mistakes, or new ones – it was just love, that was flowing, more and more love from here on in.
My intention was absolutely to lose the extra weight, but also to tone up, and build lean muscle and proper strength, heal my body post-partum, heal the severe diastasis recti, regain a strong pelvic floor, and to thrive in life.
I wanted the freedom to run like the wind, to feel truly alive, vibrant, free, fueled for optimum health, and to do that I needed to truly take care of me as an individual again, as a woman, not only as an extension, or worse as an afterthought to my husband, his career, and my 3 beautiful kids.
A part of me felt selfish for wanting this, but it was time to step into what I felt was a higher truth now. What I knew I would want my daughter to choose for herself. Loving myself was now a priority too.
I found my light again, through the intention of loving myself again enough to prioritize me, at least as an equal beside my family. Surely you deserve that too?
But I had to get to the point where you might be right now. Slightly broken. Maybe terribly broken. Suddenly aware of how far you have come from thriving. And over it.
9 weeks after I dropped my excuses and made those black and white decisions, I felt like a brand new person. Inside and out.
My light, and my spark, my confidence, and my truth, all returned anew and refreshed!
My goal was realised. I felt fit, strong, and healthy, confident and aligned again with what had been placed in my heart since I was a kid. Love to flow through me and from me without barriers.
Total well-being across each of the 5 aspects of my health.
To feel each and every day like I am totally THRIVING, living my life in alignment with who I am in my heart, in my core. Showing up as the woman I know I am, born to be, and here to be every single day.
To this very day, that remains my health and fitness goal.
I played that summer on the beach with my kids feeling EXACTLY as I had imagined I would…and in shorts. Free.
It’s so easy to blame a busy mum life for the “fact” that change can be hard.
So how did I do it?
Determination and follow through…
So much easier when you set a goal with a clear vision of the outcome, have a fail-proof plan, get support, and make it black and white, so that it is going to get done regardless of what else comes up.
I’ll teach you exactly how to do the same and I won’t accept your tired old worn out excuses.
Not anymore. You deserve accountability and truth and light.
I didn’t set out to find a miracle cure, but I do feel like I found one.
Once I felt like I truly had the golden ticket to Mama Wellness – I became a personal trainer and Wellness Coach, Yoga Teacher and Reiki Healer, big changes had been set in motion in my life and I followed my heart forward.
I now get to offer to you, exactly what I did, what I ate, what thoughts I rewired, and how I did it step-by-step on my T H R I V E – The Three-Phase Mummy Transformation Program at Fit Ninja Club.
It is specifically designed to shrink not only all over body fat but to target tighten, tone, heal and restore alignment to your core to give you a totally flat strong core. Mummy Tummy be GONE!
A fully online course that runs over 8 weeks and has the most epic body and lifestyle transformations we have ever seen!
I could now offer woman around the world, just like me, stuck, feeling guilty and a bit lost, not unhappy, but not thriving, the opportunity to step into who they were meant to be all along, fully supported and guided by me!
My fourth baby has become THRIVE – my 3 phase Mummy Transformation Program, and phase one Mummy Tummy is ready for your registration NOW!
Click learn more so I can show you exactly what I did, from nutrition to workouts, to mind training, to spiritual growth – this generation of woman is different to everyone before – its soul-deep change needed now.
I get it.
I’ll lead the way.
And I’ll have your back. I promise.